How to Really Love a Child

Be there
Say "yes" as often as possible
Let them bang on pots and pans
When crabby - put yourselves in water
If they are unlovable, spend some time loving yourself
Realise how important it is to be a child
Go together to a movie theatre with your pyjamas on
Read books out loud - with expression and joy
Invent pleasures together
Remember how really small they are
Giggle a lot
Surprise them
Say "No" when necessary - decently, respectfully
Teach yourselves about your feelings
Heal and love your own inner-child
Learn about Better Parenting
Hug trees together
Make loving safe
Bake a cake and eat it with no hands
Go find (an elephant) and kiss it
Imagine yourself as magic
Build a house with blankets
Let your "angel" fly
Reveal your own dreams to them
Search out positives
Keep a gleam in your eye
Mail letters to God
Encourage being silly regularly
Plant liquorice in your garden
Open up responsibly to your child
Stop yelling
Express your love cleanly and a lot
Speak kindly
Keep toys in the bathtub
Hang upside down
Be ridiculous
Handle with care
If you have lost your sense of humour - go and find it
If they cry - hug them
If they want to talk – listen lovingly (don’t talk)
Look for sparkles
Dance

Acknowledgement: Dr Susann Vlok – LL Conf 2003

Ways To Praise

Praise always gives positive reinforcement, but don't become repetitive.
By using a variety of compliments you will maintain greater credibility and effect -
try these for variety -

1 I like the way you are working

2 This gets a five-star rating from me

3 I'm very proud of the way you worked today

4 I can see you've taken great pains with that

5 From my point of view, you spared no effort!

6 That's a good way to approach the problem

7 You did yourself proud

8 High calibre work!

9 You're in a top class by yourself!

10 I love you - just the way you are.

And now some Parenting "Soul Searching Questions"

Do you build self-esteem?

Ask yourself the following questions:

1 Are you patient?

2 Do you encourage self-expression and creativity?

3 Do you focus on what he/she does right or only what he/she does wrong?

4 Do you plan for success in their learning?

5 Do you make time to talk?

6 Do you practice positive constructive criticism infrequently?

7 Do you compare his/her progress to his/her own record rather than that of any other?

8 Do you avoid negatively labelling?

9 Do you focus on today's positive and not yesterday's negative experiences?

10 Do you gradually and realistically and responsibly raise your, and their, expectations?

11 Do you reward him/her for a job well done? (with non material rewards)

12 Do you make yourself available?

13 Do you spend time with him/her?

14 Do you remind them of special things they have done?

15 Do you tell him/her that he/she is terrific and that you love them?

If you answered 'yes' to most of these questions, he/she is off to a really good start.

From: Roodepoort Record 22/8/03 p 16

"Criticism and blame are major confidence crushers." - Lisa Buckingham

"To grow up as a whole person, children in their formative stages need the experience of genuine acceptance; they have to know they are truly seen and yet are perfect in their parent's eyes; they need to stumble and sometimes fall, only to be greeted by a parent's commiserating smile. Through parental acceptance, children learn that their "is-ness," their essential selves, merits love." - Elan Golomb

And… "Better later than never…"

I wish I had know about this when I was a younger parent...