Three perspectives:
ONE:
Let me grow as I be,
And try to understand why I want to grow like me,
Not like my Mom wants me to be,
Nor like my Dad hopes I’ll be,
Please try to understand and help me to grow just like me!
- Bordeaux Primary School newsletter of many years ago
TWO:
All children have the right to:
a name,
enough food to eat and
a decent place to live.
All children have the right to:
grow up with love,
affection and
security.
All children have the right to:
be looked after when they are sick.
All children have the right to play.
All children have the right:
unselfishly to love God,
to love themselves,
to love other people,
and to love animals
and plants.
All children have the right to:
a free education,
and handicapped children have the right to special treatment and education.
All children have the right to:
refuse to go to work before a reasonable age.
All children have the right to:
PROTECTION against
neglect,
cruelty,
abuse,
exploitation
and discrimination.
All children have the right to a happy childhood.
- Children’s Bill of Rights
THREE:
RIGHTS OF A CHILD IN SOUTH AFRICA
The right to grow
The right to play
The right to imagination and culture
The right to warmth
The right to worth
The right to childhood
The right to a future
- Saturday Star April 2, 2005
BETTER PARENTING - BE PREPARED: If you fail to plan and prepare, you ARE preparing and planning to fail. I love my four children! I would have liked to parent them better. This is some of what I wish I had been able to know thirty or forty years ago! I hope this helps my younger friends.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Anger - Recognise it and deal with it
"Anger is a mask. It hides Hurt, Sadness or Fear." - Christa Chidrawi
"Hurt, Fear, Frustration equals ANGER. - Dr Phil McGraw
"Anger can be "inward" (self harming/destructing); or "outward" (damaging person/property, or using words as ammunition to hurt, intimidate or destroy.) - Judy Bray
"When you are angry, go and chop some wood." - Louisa May Alcott
"Feelings like happiness and sadness, fear and anger are all part of being alive and being you. Go ahead and feel your feelings. It's good to be you! Treat them (your feelings) with respect, and also, not too much respect.
"You might think it is bad to be angry, but that's not true.
It's normal to feel angry when you think you, or others, are not being treated fairly.
"It's HOW YOU SHOW your anger that can sometimes be a problem for you and those around you.
"Mad isn't bad. Mad can even be good. Anger is like fire.
Fire is good when it keeps us warm and helps us cook food. But fire can harm and destroy when it gets out of control.
"Anger can be good when it makes you want to do something about a bad situation.
"Angry words can hurt as much as hitting.
"Just because you or someone else is angry, doesn't mean you don't still love each other."
"You might need to say or hear "I love you." Then talk with each other about why you are angry.
"Things that aren't important to you cannot make you angry. Let others know, respectably, what is important to you." - Michaeline Mundy
Here is how anger builds:
Build up of "unpleasant" from within or without or both -->
frustration -->
anger -->
tension -->
discharge... ANGER!
"CHOOSE how you discharge your anger!
Let your anger refine you, make you a better, stronger person...
NO - Harm to self or others or property.
YES - Do something useful and constructive with your anger energy.
YES - Take some Time Out. Relax. Play. Unwind. Dream. Listen to Music.
YES - Exercize brain, body and/or spirit.
YES - Cry. Grieve. Pray. Think. Talk. Plan.
YES - Forgive yourself and other/s as soon as you are able. Sort out the event.
YES - Learn about yourself and others and life. Then move forward.
Anger can make you feel like you are going to explode. Your face feels hot, you breathe faster, and your heart beats faster. Your hands want to grab, hit, or throw something, and your feet want to kick or run. Your voice wants to yell or cry.
It can help to know EXACTLY what you are 'put out' about. THINK.
Anger can give you energy to work harder to solve a problem or to get that project right.
Anger can be scary (for you or others) when you, or they, don't know how to handle it.
It's natural to want to blame someone else for making you angry. But YOU are the one who's angry, and YOU are the one who can do something about your anger - destructively or constructively, maturely or immaturely.
"Mad Isn't Bad" - Michaeline Mundy
* STOP and count to 10 (or 100!) and THINK about the better thing to do or say.
* When you are mad, SAY so! Say "I'm angry (frustrated) because..." or "I'm mad (afraid) because..." It's important to let other people know. …practice saying it without screaming, blaming, shaming or whining.
* Let people know when you're even "a little" angry. Otherwise, you may end up waiting until you are "a lot" angry. Then anger is harder for you to control. "I'm getting angry about…" "I need to take some time out."
* Punch a pillow or gym punch-bag (without hurting yourself).
* Stomp on packing bubbles or gravel or corrugated cardboard boxes or autumn leaves. Be careful not to hurt yourself.
* Scream/cry/groan intensely. Find a safe place to do this where people will not think you have lost your senses.
* Stop scaring yourself and others. Learn to be good and kind to yourself and others. If you need to be tough, find out how to to do that maturely!
* Talk to someone safe (for you and for them) about how you feel, not necessarily those involved - yet.
* Take a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Take another two deep breaths. As you breathe out, huff the last of the air out of your lungs. You'll find you don't feel quite so angry (hurt, afraid, sad, frustrated). You can then think more clearly.
* Sometimes you need to practice skills you want (or need) to be better at, so you deal with your frustration more profitably in future.
* Do something different for a while.
"Patience: The art of doing something else in the meanwhile."
* It may help to write (and edit) a note to the person/s who get/s under your skin. You can send it, or not, after thinking about it - you actually want the problem solved - sending it may make the problem worse - for now.
* Think about people who handle their anger in safe and effective ways. Ask them about how they became good at dealing with their anger.
* "Did you know it's OK to be mad even with God? Go ahead and tell God the way you feel. Speak, listen, learn!" - Michaeline Mundy
* If you feel yourself getting angry a lot, talk to someone (wise and able) about it. Your anger is about you, not others.
* Not everything in life is fair. Bad things happen to good people. And it's OK to be exceedingly mad when that happens. The important thing is to find ways to be fair to yourself and others whenever you can, as soon as you can.
* Everybody gets angry sometimes. It's OK to be mad. It's the way you handle your anger that makes all the difference.
* When someone gets angry with you, listen to them. Thank them for telling you. Tell them you will think about what they said. Think about it! Decide what is true or not for you. Decide what you want to, or need to, do about it. Take your time.
* You may sometimes need to ask someone why he or she acts (or looks, or sounds) angry. You can help others to see when they are angry. Think about your most skilled way for you to handle the incident. Learn and grow from every contact with your own anger or the anger of another.
* If you hurt someone or break something say "I'm sorry." "Don't stay wrong long." Promise yourself to do better next time. Get help if you need it.
Anger is hard to deal with respectably and respectfully. You and I will be working with it, in ourselves and others around us, forever.
Never, never give up and give in and declare the growing experience useless. This world needs more and more people who know how to deal with their own anger as well as the anger of others.
See also MARRIAGE MATTERS! link and go to the Twelve Traps - The Temper Trap.
"Hurt, Fear, Frustration equals ANGER. - Dr Phil McGraw
"Anger can be "inward" (self harming/destructing); or "outward" (damaging person/property, or using words as ammunition to hurt, intimidate or destroy.) - Judy Bray
"When you are angry, go and chop some wood." - Louisa May Alcott
"Feelings like happiness and sadness, fear and anger are all part of being alive and being you. Go ahead and feel your feelings. It's good to be you! Treat them (your feelings) with respect, and also, not too much respect.
"You might think it is bad to be angry, but that's not true.
It's normal to feel angry when you think you, or others, are not being treated fairly.
"It's HOW YOU SHOW your anger that can sometimes be a problem for you and those around you.
"Mad isn't bad. Mad can even be good. Anger is like fire.
Fire is good when it keeps us warm and helps us cook food. But fire can harm and destroy when it gets out of control.
"Anger can be good when it makes you want to do something about a bad situation.
"Angry words can hurt as much as hitting.
"Just because you or someone else is angry, doesn't mean you don't still love each other."
"You might need to say or hear "I love you." Then talk with each other about why you are angry.
"Things that aren't important to you cannot make you angry. Let others know, respectably, what is important to you." - Michaeline Mundy
Here is how anger builds:
Build up of "unpleasant" from within or without or both -->
frustration -->
anger -->
tension -->
discharge... ANGER!
"CHOOSE how you discharge your anger!
Let your anger refine you, make you a better, stronger person...
NO - Harm to self or others or property.
YES - Do something useful and constructive with your anger energy.
YES - Take some Time Out. Relax. Play. Unwind. Dream. Listen to Music.
YES - Exercize brain, body and/or spirit.
YES - Cry. Grieve. Pray. Think. Talk. Plan.
YES - Forgive yourself and other/s as soon as you are able. Sort out the event.
YES - Learn about yourself and others and life. Then move forward.
Anger can make you feel like you are going to explode. Your face feels hot, you breathe faster, and your heart beats faster. Your hands want to grab, hit, or throw something, and your feet want to kick or run. Your voice wants to yell or cry.
It can help to know EXACTLY what you are 'put out' about. THINK.
Anger can give you energy to work harder to solve a problem or to get that project right.
Anger can be scary (for you or others) when you, or they, don't know how to handle it.
It's natural to want to blame someone else for making you angry. But YOU are the one who's angry, and YOU are the one who can do something about your anger - destructively or constructively, maturely or immaturely.
"Mad Isn't Bad" - Michaeline Mundy
* STOP and count to 10 (or 100!) and THINK about the better thing to do or say.
* When you are mad, SAY so! Say "I'm angry (frustrated) because..." or "I'm mad (afraid) because..." It's important to let other people know. …practice saying it without screaming, blaming, shaming or whining.
* Let people know when you're even "a little" angry. Otherwise, you may end up waiting until you are "a lot" angry. Then anger is harder for you to control. "I'm getting angry about…" "I need to take some time out."
* Punch a pillow or gym punch-bag (without hurting yourself).
* Stomp on packing bubbles or gravel or corrugated cardboard boxes or autumn leaves. Be careful not to hurt yourself.
* Scream/cry/groan intensely. Find a safe place to do this where people will not think you have lost your senses.
* Stop scaring yourself and others. Learn to be good and kind to yourself and others. If you need to be tough, find out how to to do that maturely!
* Talk to someone safe (for you and for them) about how you feel, not necessarily those involved - yet.
* Take a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Take another two deep breaths. As you breathe out, huff the last of the air out of your lungs. You'll find you don't feel quite so angry (hurt, afraid, sad, frustrated). You can then think more clearly.
* Sometimes you need to practice skills you want (or need) to be better at, so you deal with your frustration more profitably in future.
* Do something different for a while.
"Patience: The art of doing something else in the meanwhile."
* It may help to write (and edit) a note to the person/s who get/s under your skin. You can send it, or not, after thinking about it - you actually want the problem solved - sending it may make the problem worse - for now.
* Think about people who handle their anger in safe and effective ways. Ask them about how they became good at dealing with their anger.
* "Did you know it's OK to be mad even with God? Go ahead and tell God the way you feel. Speak, listen, learn!" - Michaeline Mundy
* If you feel yourself getting angry a lot, talk to someone (wise and able) about it. Your anger is about you, not others.
* Not everything in life is fair. Bad things happen to good people. And it's OK to be exceedingly mad when that happens. The important thing is to find ways to be fair to yourself and others whenever you can, as soon as you can.
* Everybody gets angry sometimes. It's OK to be mad. It's the way you handle your anger that makes all the difference.
* When someone gets angry with you, listen to them. Thank them for telling you. Tell them you will think about what they said. Think about it! Decide what is true or not for you. Decide what you want to, or need to, do about it. Take your time.
* You may sometimes need to ask someone why he or she acts (or looks, or sounds) angry. You can help others to see when they are angry. Think about your most skilled way for you to handle the incident. Learn and grow from every contact with your own anger or the anger of another.
* If you hurt someone or break something say "I'm sorry." "Don't stay wrong long." Promise yourself to do better next time. Get help if you need it.
Anger is hard to deal with respectably and respectfully. You and I will be working with it, in ourselves and others around us, forever.
Never, never give up and give in and declare the growing experience useless. This world needs more and more people who know how to deal with their own anger as well as the anger of others.
See also MARRIAGE MATTERS! link and go to the Twelve Traps - The Temper Trap.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Ah, There you Are...
I misplaced my joy this morning. I woke up to find it missing like a set of lost keys. I started looking for it everywhere. I looked for it in the morning paper. It wasn't there. I looked for it in my books. It wasn't there. I looked for it in some music. It wasn't there. I looked for it while I ate breakfast, got the kids ready for school, and headed out the door this morning, but I couldn't find it anywhere.
When I finally got back home I decided to take a walk. I thought that if I couldn't find my joy then at least I could get some exercise. The last leaves of Autumn were thickly covering the ground. I walked for awhile on this beautiful, crunchy carpet and breathed in the fresh, cool air. It was so peaceful and wonderful. After walking for a bit I stopped and smiled. I suddenly knew where to look. I glanced down and saw my joy peeking up at me from deep inside my soul. It had been sitting there right next to my love and God's love just waiting for me to find it. "Ah, there you are," I said. Then I laughed at myself for not knowing where to look all along.
It is amazing how we so often look for joy in every single place except the only place where it can truly be found, within ourselves. We are like a person running around searching for the glasses that are perched on the top of his head. We need to stop the search. We need to look deep into our souls and see the joy that has been sitting there all along. It isn't hidden and it isn't hard to find. It is there shining brightly right next to God's love and our love. It is just waiting for us to smile down and say, "Ah, there you are."
Reach down and grab that joy today. Choose it, rejoice in it, and live in it. Take it along with your love and God's love and share it with the world. And if you ever misplace it again remember where to look for it first.
By: Joseph J. Mazzella
When I finally got back home I decided to take a walk. I thought that if I couldn't find my joy then at least I could get some exercise. The last leaves of Autumn were thickly covering the ground. I walked for awhile on this beautiful, crunchy carpet and breathed in the fresh, cool air. It was so peaceful and wonderful. After walking for a bit I stopped and smiled. I suddenly knew where to look. I glanced down and saw my joy peeking up at me from deep inside my soul. It had been sitting there right next to my love and God's love just waiting for me to find it. "Ah, there you are," I said. Then I laughed at myself for not knowing where to look all along.
It is amazing how we so often look for joy in every single place except the only place where it can truly be found, within ourselves. We are like a person running around searching for the glasses that are perched on the top of his head. We need to stop the search. We need to look deep into our souls and see the joy that has been sitting there all along. It isn't hidden and it isn't hard to find. It is there shining brightly right next to God's love and our love. It is just waiting for us to smile down and say, "Ah, there you are."
Reach down and grab that joy today. Choose it, rejoice in it, and live in it. Take it along with your love and God's love and share it with the world. And if you ever misplace it again remember where to look for it first.
By: Joseph J. Mazzella
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)