Parental Reflecting of Your Child's Feelings

The Parental Communication Skill -
Reflecting Feelings Liberally and Content Briefly

Do you want to make your listening to your children more effective
and less painful (for you both)?

Try the basic communication skill of “reflecting”.

Listen to understand what it is like to be the child you are listening to.
Make your understanding known to your child.

Listening in this way can bring about major changes in your and your child’s personalities.

HERE IS HOW IT WORKS:

After Child says anything at all (starting a conversation or in the middle of one) with either intensity or lack of it:

Parent pauses and tries to figure out how the child is/might be feeling.

Parent reflects what they think ONE feeling of the child is.

Parent says something like

“I guess you feel … (feeling)
“You sound … (feeling)
“You look … (feeling)
“I’m wondering if you are … (feeling)

Child will likely carry on talking.

Parent repeats above:
Pause, think what one feeling might be, reflect the feeling.

Child will likely carry on speaking.

Parent repeats above again:
Pause, think what the feeling might be, reflect one feeling.

Carry on and on just reflecting one feeling at a time.

When Child seems "dried up":
(may be sooner or later depending on the child
and your hopefully increasing listening capacity)

Summarise a good sprinkling of the feelings you have already reflected, and add a brief sentence about the content of what he/she has been saying.

Say

“This is what I have understood so far – correct me if I have got it wrong:
you are/feel annoyed and frustrated and hurt and you want to hurt back
because your friend was unkind to you.”

He/she will likely start talking again.

Reflect one feeling at a time again.

Summarise again with a good sprinkling of feelings and a brief sentence of content.

Keep at this until you get good at it!
Watch a miracle unfold before your eyes.

Another part of Parental Communication Skills to come…

Parenting - Helping Parents Raise Their Children

I tuned in to BYU Television and listened to one of the "Families Under Fire" Discussions by Richard and Linda Eyre.

They mentioned their website "Values Parenting" with the description "Parenting - Helping Parents Raise Their Children".

Note in the top right hand corner of the Values Parenting website the value they work on each moth - this month is "Peaceability" month. The value for the month changes each month.

I have added this to my links on the sidebar.

Enjoy visiting there and working every day and month on your parenting - which actually never ends worlds without end...

The Battlegrounds of Parenting

Mind/Thoughts

Am I learning more and more about effective parenting ?
What do I think of my parenting?
What do I think about my children?

Prayer

Do I pray about my parenting?
Do I pray?

Temptation

Do I give in to my temptations?
Do I know what my temptations are?

Immorality

Am I a moral being?
Am I a moral parent?

Repentance

Am I repenting every day of small and great thoughts, actions and feelings?
Do I feel the acceptance of my parental repentance?

Change

Am I daily changing for the better?
Is my parenting becoming kinder and more effective?

Memory

Are my parenting memories getting less painful?
Am I making memories today that I will be glad to recall?

Perfectionism

Am I letting go of my parenting perfectionism?
Am I letting go of the illusion that I can produce a perfect child?

Put on ALL the Armour Of God - that is the only way to win on the battlegrounds of parenting.

A Most Excellent Adventure

Choose a colour - Pink, Purple, Yellow or Green.
Choose a number between 1 and 20 in that colour.
Ask the question of that colour and number.
Pass the list on to the next person and repeat.

PINK

1 What is the nicest thing a sibling ever did for you?
2 I like/liked it when my Mom…
3 I liked/liked it when my Dad…
4 Name one of the things that you do that you know irritates a family member.
5 Describe your idea of a perfect time with your family.
6 What is the funniest thing that happened to your family?
7 What is your favourite birthday memory?
8 What is your favourite Christmas memory?
9 What is the wierdest gift you ever received?
10 What would you request to eat for your birthday if you could have anything?
11 If you could meet anyone who would it be?
12 What do you most enjoy doing?
13 What would you ask which famous person?
14 What is your favourite snack? Why?
15 What is your favourite story?
16 What is frustrating for you?
17 If I was your fairy godmother/father what would you ask me for?
18 What do you think your family stands for?
19 What is your favourite piece of wisdom?
20 What advice do you have for me?

YELLOW

1 What do you like best for breakfast?
2 What is your favourite late-night food?
3 What food do you most hate? Why?
4 Who would you like to invite to your birthday celebration? Why?
5 What is the strangest thing you ever ate?
6 The most embarassing thing that ever happened to you?
7 Your favourite and least favourite study subjects?
8 If you were the principle/boss, what changes would you make?
9 I get nervous when…
10 I feel happy when…
11 Your friend hurts your feelings. What would you do?
12 What historical time would you love to live in?
13 What country would you like to visit?
14 What is your favourite flower? Why?
15 If your friends want to see a movie and you don't, what would you do?
16 If you could take anything to a "show and tell" what would it be? Tell me why.
17 What kind of movies do you like best?
18 How would you spend a million Rand?
19 What would be your personal numberplate? Why is this your choice?
20 What is your greatest regret?

PURPLE

1 What do you like about your appearance?
2 If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be?
3 If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
4 What did you want to be when you were little?
5 What is your favourite book? Why?
6 What is your favourite fairy tale? Why?
7 If you could write your own book, what would it be about?
8 Describe a scary dream you had.
9 Which Olympic event would you like to compete in?
10 What's your favourite sport? Why?
11 Name a person you would love as a friend.
12 What makes you mad?
13 How do you deal with your anger?
14 Who would you choose to be on a desert/deserted island with? Why?
15 What is your favourite music? Why?
16 What is your favourite colour and why?
17 What is your favourite smell?
18 What are you most proud of?
19 What is your pleasantest sound? Why?
20 What would you like to do with half an hour?

GREEN

1 What is your favourite singer or musical group?
2 What planet would you like to visit? Why?
3 If you were the president of a planet, what is the first rule you would make?
4 If you could be invisible, what would you do?
5 Tell me a good new nick-name for you.
6 The most boring thing you can think of?
7 What talent would you most like to have? Why?
8 If there was a fire and you could grab only one thing, what would it be?
9 What were you once afraid of, but are not any more?
10 What would you do if you were in company that started gossiping about a friend who wasn't there?
11 What movie title best describes your life?
12 Your favourite time of day? Why?
13 What are your favourite clothes? Why?
14 Tell me about the nicest place you have ever lived in.
15 What do you like to do on a rainy day?
16 What is your favourite season of the year? Why?
17 What is your favourite thing to do on a Saturday?
18 How would you spend a free weekend?
19 What car would you love to drive/drive in? Why?
20 Who is the most interesting person you have met?