Parental Reflecting of Your Child's Feelings

The Parental Communication Skill -
Reflecting Feelings Liberally and Content Briefly

Do you want to make your listening to your children more effective
and less painful (for you both)?

Try the basic communication skill of “reflecting”.

Listen to understand what it is like to be the child you are listening to.
Make your understanding known to your child.

Listening in this way can bring about major changes in your and your child’s personalities.

HERE IS HOW IT WORKS:

After Child says anything at all (starting a conversation or in the middle of one) with either intensity or lack of it:

Parent pauses and tries to figure out how the child is/might be feeling.

Parent reflects what they think ONE feeling of the child is.

Parent says something like

“I guess you feel … (feeling)
“You sound … (feeling)
“You look … (feeling)
“I’m wondering if you are … (feeling)

Child will likely carry on talking.

Parent repeats above:
Pause, think what one feeling might be, reflect the feeling.

Child will likely carry on speaking.

Parent repeats above again:
Pause, think what the feeling might be, reflect one feeling.

Carry on and on just reflecting one feeling at a time.

When Child seems "dried up":
(may be sooner or later depending on the child
and your hopefully increasing listening capacity)

Summarise a good sprinkling of the feelings you have already reflected, and add a brief sentence about the content of what he/she has been saying.

Say

“This is what I have understood so far – correct me if I have got it wrong:
you are/feel annoyed and frustrated and hurt and you want to hurt back
because your friend was unkind to you.”

He/she will likely start talking again.

Reflect one feeling at a time again.

Summarise again with a good sprinkling of feelings and a brief sentence of content.

Keep at this until you get good at it!
Watch a miracle unfold before your eyes.

Another part of Parental Communication Skills to come…