Be interested.
Listen quietly and calmly.
Be interested!
Let your attitude of interest radiate.
Be interested.
A nod of the head.
Be interested.
Soft, loving, interested, thoughtful eye contact.
Be interested.
Full attention.
Be interested...
Face directly.
BRIEFLY acknowledge what is said - summarise.
(You don't have to agree or disagree yet...
you need him/her to gradually fully "get" that
you DO understand
what he/she is trying to
get you to understand!)
"So you're telling me..."
"You want me to understand that..."
Encourage more telling:
Simple, short statements.
"Uh-huh"
"Yes, I see"
"Oh yes!"
"You bet!"
"Tell me more"
"Really?"
Communicate YOUR interest.
Give recognition to what your child is saying.
"I love you. Carry on..."
Open the doors of communication between you.
"I want to understand. What was next?"
Encourage communication.
"Wow... and then?"
Use leading, enquiring-to-understand (not prying) questions...
Ask them moderately, interestedly (not accusingly, afraid-ly)
"Tell me more about your feelings about school?"
"How do you mean...?"
"Explain to me again..."
"Can you give me more details?"
"How did/do you feel?"
All this to communicate that you care and are interested in them, and their life!
"Seek first to understand... and then... to be understood." Stephen R Covey
Next time... More about your part of the discussion - seeking to be understood.
Basically from: "Becoming a Better Parent" LDS Social Services
BETTER PARENTING - BE PREPARED: If you fail to plan and prepare, you ARE preparing and planning to fail. I love my four children! I would have liked to parent them better. This is some of what I wish I had been able to know thirty or forty years ago! I hope this helps my younger friends.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Listen
Threads
Listen.
In every office (home) you hear the threads
of love and joy and fear and guilt,
the cries for celebration and reassurance,
and somehow you know that
connecting those threads
is what you’re supposed to do
and business (home life) takes care of itself.
(David Whyte)
Listen.
In every office (home) you hear the threads
of love and joy and fear and guilt,
the cries for celebration and reassurance,
and somehow you know that
connecting those threads
is what you’re supposed to do
and business (home life) takes care of itself.
(David Whyte)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
How TO Listen
Listening
You are not listening to me
When you do not care about me…
When you say you understand before you know me well,
When you have an answer for my problem before I have finished telling you what my problem is,
When you cut me off before I have finished speaking,
When you feel critical about my vocabulary, grammar or accent,
When you tell me about your experience making mine seem unimportant,
When you are communicating to someone else in the room,
When you refuse my thanks by saying you haven’t really done anything.
YOU are LISTENING to ME…
When you come quietly into my private world and let me be;
When you really try to understand me even if I am not making sense;
When you grasp my point of view when it is against your own sincere convictions;
When you realize that the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and drained;
When you allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they may be wrong;
When you do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way;
When you hold your desire to give me good advice;
When you do not offer me religious solace when you sense I am not ready for it;
When you give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on;
When you accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good you feel to know you have been helpful.
I received this MANY years ago (22?) when I was first training as a counsellor at FAMSA (Family and Marriage Society of South Africa) - I do not know who to credit with it.
You are not listening to me
When you do not care about me…
When you say you understand before you know me well,
When you have an answer for my problem before I have finished telling you what my problem is,
When you cut me off before I have finished speaking,
When you feel critical about my vocabulary, grammar or accent,
When you tell me about your experience making mine seem unimportant,
When you are communicating to someone else in the room,
When you refuse my thanks by saying you haven’t really done anything.
YOU are LISTENING to ME…
When you come quietly into my private world and let me be;
When you really try to understand me even if I am not making sense;
When you grasp my point of view when it is against your own sincere convictions;
When you realize that the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and drained;
When you allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they may be wrong;
When you do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way;
When you hold your desire to give me good advice;
When you do not offer me religious solace when you sense I am not ready for it;
When you give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on;
When you accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good you feel to know you have been helpful.
I received this MANY years ago (22?) when I was first training as a counsellor at FAMSA (Family and Marriage Society of South Africa) - I do not know who to credit with it.
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