How TO Listen

Listening

You are not listening to me

When you do not care about me…

When you say you understand before you know me well,

When you have an answer for my problem before I have finished telling you what my problem is,

When you cut me off before I have finished speaking,

When you feel critical about my vocabulary, grammar or accent,

When you tell me about your experience making mine seem unimportant,

When you are communicating to someone else in the room,

When you refuse my thanks by saying you haven’t really done anything.

YOU are LISTENING to ME…

When you come quietly into my private world and let me be;

When you really try to understand me even if I am not making sense;

When you grasp my point of view when it is against your own sincere convictions;

When you realize that the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and drained;

When you allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they may be wrong;

When you do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way;

When you hold your desire to give me good advice;

When you do not offer me religious solace when you sense I am not ready for it;

When you give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on;

When you accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good you feel to know you have been helpful.

I received this MANY years ago (22?) when I was first training as a counsellor at FAMSA (Family and Marriage Society of South Africa) - I do not know who to credit with it.