Each child needs praise and encouragement... BUT...
NOT when HE/SHE wants to, or NEEDS to, talk!
When a child is troubled, he needs acceptance and understanding, not praise.
Praise is often used less consciously to manipulate a child into feeling better, but it always interferes with the child's ability to confide in us. (YOU are meeting YOUR need not your child's).
Your ill-timed (habitual?) praise interferes with your acceptance and understanding of your child.
Imagine: Your thirteen year old, slender, attractive daughter comes home looking very sad. You hear that someone called her skinny.
She says "Do you think I am skinny?"
In an effort to cheer her up, you say "No, but I know one thing for sure; you are always pleasant and have a very happy disposition. I always admire you because you take things so well and never get your feelings hurt. You are a real good sport."
She will have more difficulty in telling you of the hurts she feels - right now as well as in the future.
Instead she may cry alone in her bedroom.
She may go and tell a girlfriend or someone else.
From: "Becoming a Better Parent" LDS Social Services
BETTER PARENTING - BE PREPARED: If you fail to plan and prepare, you ARE preparing and planning to fail. I love my four children! I would have liked to parent them better. This is some of what I wish I had been able to know thirty or forty years ago! I hope this helps my younger friends.
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