Power to Control Our Children...

"God does not give us power to control our children, but to control ourselves... 

How can I experience the mighty change of heart?
How can I yield my will to His?
How can I put God first in my life an trust Him totally?
How can I remember that God is in charge, that all things happen for a purpose, and that all trials are tailor-made for our growth and individual instruction?"

Darla Isackson
Meridian Magazine
5th August 2015

One Childhood...

Your children get only one childhood.  Make it memorable.  Regina Brett

(I add - It doesn't have to cost any money!)

Charity is Difficult

The time it takes to raise and rear a child is an enormous task. While parenting is often portrayed as a punch line, fun, always fulfilling, even exciting, most of the ideas of parenting we get from social media, movies, stories, etc. leave out the long stretches of monotony, impatience and frustrations that real life brings. To maintain a positive, loving home and relationship takes work. The Work is in the form of patience, understanding and being able to let the little things go while focusing on what really matters. What really matters is making sure a child feels and is shown love unconditionally. Kind, encouraging words and loving discipline are essential to nourish and guide a child. 

Norda Barrowes.  See more at: http://familyshare.com/how-to-grow-charity#sthash.v3cdnZmE.dpuf

Nine Tips for Raising More Confident Children

As adults, it is our duty to help our children develop attitudes.  They can be peaceful, confident and successful in life. Not long ago, I witnessed a situation that made me very sad. A boy who did not follow rules or work in class was a recess bully.  He constantly hit other kids and made fun of them.

One of my colleagues commented, “His mother calls him silly, she always says that he is a 'Good for nothing.'”    I realized when a child does  not receive love at home, he becomes insecure and manifests anger by bullying.    I thought, “Are there parents like that?” Perhaps the boy’s mother had been treated the same way during her childhood and that is what she learned. I felt sympathy for her. The saddest thing for me was to realize this boy was growing up with a lack of love and confidence, believing that he wasn’t good at anything.

It is important to reflect on our own behaviour, feelings, emotions and our negative beliefs  dragged with us from our childhood. By understanding ourselves, we can provide our children with better tools than we had.

1. Cherish a child's insight. As children, we were often told, "Be quiet, the adults are talking.” Children do need to learn respect.  It is important also for them to express themselves freely. They will learn confidence.

2. Avoid mocking a child. Although children are young and have lots of lessons to learn, it is important to respect their emotions, desires and goals. I know a teenager who told her parents that she had fallen in love with someone. Mockingly, her parents laughed at her and asked, “What do you know about love?”

3. Provide your children with tools to express themselves appropriately. Art, music, dance or drawing help children value their efforts and to express their emotions. These and sport help them develop greater self-esteem as they  see their goals fulfilled. Journals also help children  write about their experiences and feelings.

4. Avoid comparing a child with other children. Some parents say, “If you were like so and so . . . " which may create rivalries and feelings of inferiority anger or despair — especially if the children are very close in age.

5. Avoid labels. Comments such as, “Johnny is terrible, stubborn and mischievous," only worsen certain characteristics of a child's personality. The child ends up believing the words and will tend to fulfill this role.

6. Discipline your children with love.  Teach them to learn from their mistakes. Help them see challenges as an opportunity to grow as a person. Cheer them.  Reassure them that they can learn and overcome.

7. Treasure your child's efforts. Be there for your child at each learning stage. Show your happiness when he is successful. It is important to verbalize and show your happiness by complimenting and hugging him.

8. Show each child your love. We think our children already know we love them. Nevertheless, it is important to express love in word, a smile, in listening to them — accompanied with a hug and an encouraging word.

9. Never say, “What are people going to think if they see you doing this? “You are being watched. Behave!” These phrases create insecurity. As adults, we must teach our children to behave because it is the right thing to do.  We must explain why. They will learn to act correctly without fearing what other people may say.

Practice these tips. Make a sincere effort to show character when making your parental decisions. Show calmness when facing trials and happiness. Set a good example.  Help children develop their confidence and self-esteem. They can become happy individuals who know their strengths and weaknesses.  They will know they can overcome any obstacles they may face.  Let us work together to raise more confident and competent children.

Adapted From: Maia Fernandez - http://familyshare.com

Raising Children in a Dangerous World

The "Fair Lady" magazine of January 27th 1982 had an article called "Raising Children in a Dangerous World" by Judith Viorst.  I have kept this picture all
these years.

This was the illustration for the thought provoking article.

It was a dangerous world then... it is much more so in some ways now!

This picture gives me much food for thought.

God bless us all to be true to our great commission as parents.

Hear Your Children

"Children are not OK until they know they are heard."
Gary Neuman

Gretchen Rubin of "The Happiness Project" says:

One of my resolutions is to Treat myself like a toddler. I’ve found that much of the advice aimed at children is just as helpful for me.

For instance, I’m reading Nicole Malenfant’s Routines and Transitions: A Guide for Early Childhood Professionals (non sequitur: a surprising name for a childhood expert). She lays out several strategies for teachers to use in establishing routines and transitions for children. I’m going to try to apply them to myself.

Here’s a tips list, loosely adapted:

1. Turn routines into games. My evening tidy-up, while not quite a “game,” is kind of fun and quite relaxing.
2. Control the level of noise. I’m much calmer when there’s no TV or music playing in the background. (Except at night. Weirdly, my husband and I fall asleep to all-news radio.)
3. Organize space so it’s attractive, well organized, and well lit. One of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: Outer order contributes to inner calm.
4. Plan times each day for relaxing activities. Why is this so hard for adults?
5. Encourage a feeling of belonging, e.g., by displaying children’s work and pictures. I have a resolution to Cultivate a shrine.
6. Consider children’s reactions when making an unavoidable change. I do better with routines and predictability. I don’t react well when there’s a sudden change in the schedule.
7. Balance indoor and outdoor activities. Just going outside into the sunlight gives a mood boost.
8. Make sure there’s plenty of time to get things done without rushing. This makes a huge difference in my day-to-day happiness. In Happier at Home, I write a lot about my struggle to create an unhurried atmosphere at home.
9. Provide opportunities for curiosity and creativity.
10. Speak in a calm voice. This is a big issue in my home. We talk all the time about “a kind voice,” “a mean voice.”
11. Explain the behavior you’d like to see in a clear, respectful way. Not “Settle down,” but “Sit in your chair with your feet under your desk.” Not “I could use a little help around here,” but “Please unload the dishwasher so we can get the dirty dishes out of the sink.”
12. Meet people’s basic needs. Children and adults need to eat, drink, go to the bathroom, rest, and spend time outside.

I like the list she quoted!  Thanks Nicole Malenfant.

DEAR...

D Drop
E Everything
A And
R Read!

Colin Northmore

Drop everything and read to your children whenever you can.
Be a reading Papa, Mama or Gogo.

"I Don't Have the Strength..."

"Listen to me. You'd better find the strength..."
Supernanny Television Programme

Scare/Care

"You can't scare a person straight - you can only care a person straight."
Father Gregory Boyle

Bitterness, Resentment, Anger, Rage

These four words are defined in http://www.marriagematterssomuch.blogspot.com/
Go and see what these words mean.
Please cleanse your heart, mind and spirit of these destructive ways.
Get the help you need to become free of these, and other, contaminated and contaminating styles of being, and parenting.

Absent Fathers

"A pill (for ADHD) can't take the place of a father."
"There's a direct correlation between ADHD and absent fathers."
Arette Burger

You Can't Rush

"You can't rush a cat Grandpa!"
Jessica
(Neither can you rush a child's growing up... )

Cultivating Intelligence

"We spend a great deal of time and money cultivating our children's intelligence - as important is cultivating their emotional intelligence.
Parents are emotional coaches whether they want to be or not.
Listen. Really listen to them with compassion.
Name their emotion until you get it accurately.
Set limits by example.
Brainstorm solutions.
Anticipate conflict. We need to have it. We need to resolve it."
Real Families Real Answers

Respond Properly

"Respond properly with the first little bit of speech that comes out of your mouth."
Joyce Meyer

Gentle Parenting

"Gentle parenting is the parenting that will turn out individuals who will carry this world further."
Sister Lillian - Guest on "Three Talk with Noeleen" TV show

Teach your Children

"Teach them to self-protect.
Teach them about the dangers of strangers.
Teach them about the dangers of those they know, or know well.
Teach them about the "Uh Oh..." feeling.
Teach them what to do whenever they have an "Uh Oh..." feeling.
Teach them about not allowing themselves to be taken to a second location.
Teach them to develop and use a "buddy system."
Teach them to use their voice, their arms, their teeth, their legs.
Teach them that sometimes it is VERY OK to kick, bite, scream at, shout at, poke, scratch, stomp on, really hurt another person.
Teach them to fall on their bottom, kick their legs at the person and yell "Stranger danger 911" over and over whilst they twist and turn on their bottoms - keeping their attacker in front of them - kicking and yelling at the same time until help arrives.

Teach them to have a plan.
You develop a basic plan and work out a family plan with them.
Have current photos of each of your children.
Have finger prints of each of your children.
Give them a list of phone numbers to call for help.
Have their phone numbers.
Designate safe houses.
Discuss what to do.
Play "What if..." with your children regularly.
Revise your family plan periodically.

Teach them to listen and look.
You also listen to your children. Look at them. Notice them.
Connect regularly, daily with each of your children.

Teach them to set up their world for safety.
Safe viewing, safe listening, safe reading, safe places, safe entertainment.
Safe activities, safe groups.
Safe adults, safe friends, safe advisors.

Prepare your children without fear.
Prepare your children so that they live their life without fear.

- Dr Phil

"If ye are prepared, ye need not fear."

I Wonder...

"He has an unswerving ability to remain calm, ignore the chaos around him and give all his attention to the job at hand."

Max Pemberton about Mr Butterworth (surgeon)

I wonder if I will ever be able to be a parent like that?!

How to Stay Young with your Children

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and
height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay
him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts,
gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the
devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only
person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your
refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take, or send others on, guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country,
but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every
opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.

- George Carlin

Children Are Not Small Adults

"But children are not small adults. Children, I think, need to feel safe long before they need to feel smart; children need to be carpet-bombed with affection long before they are big and strong enough to stand on their own two feet; children need parental boundaries firmly in place before those boundaries are removed; children need to be cleverly shielded from learning the harsher adult lessons, at least until such time as they can make sense of them. Children ultimately, ideally, need to be able to grow up and become adults who choose to do the leaving, rather than have their parents leave them, either physically or psychologically, while they are still children. Because if this happens they often keep searching desparately for 'love', when all they are really looking for is some place they can feel safe."
Kathryn Flett "The Heart-Shaped Bullet - A True Story" p220